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By Deanie Barth
MSPT Physical Therapist
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eBeansTALK Newsletter
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Jenn Berman, M.F.T., Psy.D.
Dr. Jenn is a licensed Marriage, Family and Child Therapist in private practice. She is the author of the book The A to Z Guide to Raising Happy Confident Kids. She writes a monthly parenting column for Los Angeles Family Magazine called “Dr. Jenn” which is reprinted in five other parenting magazines. Her column won the prestigious Parenting Publications of America award in parenting and child development. Dr. Jenn lives in Los Angeles with her husband, Joshua, and her twin daughters, Quincy and Mendez.
For more information on Dr. Jenn go to www.DoctorJenn.com.
FAQ
- My sister keeps telling me I should be reading books to my daughter. She is only four months old! I can’t imagine she will understand what I am saying anyway. What do you think I should do?
- Reading to your child helps to build her vocabulary, stimulate her imagination, and improve her communications skills, it is also a great way to bond and create lasting memories with your child. The American Academy of Pediatrics recommends reading aloud to your baby starting at 6 months, but I say it is never too early to start.
- My six month old son has started crying every time someone else holds him, even his Dad. Should I be worried that something is wrong?
- It sounds like your son is right on time for separation anxiety. Your baby is starting to differentiate Mommy from other people. Make sure that you don’t just pass your son to other people to hold without giving him time to check them out and get comfortable. Before you pass him to another person, even his Dad, you should let your son know what you are going to do and, even better, ask him if it is okay. Even though he is too young to answer or even understand it sets a precedent of respectful interactions between parent and child. Beware: many children experience another round of separation anxiety between 12 and 18 months.
- My identical twin boys are three years old. I really want to have a strong relationship with each of them individually. Also, I want to make sure they grow up to be individuals not just members of a twin unit. Is there anything I should start doing now?
- In order to help you to bond with your twin children I recommend a few simple and easy things. When speaking, make eye contact with each child and make sure to call him by name. This helps your child to connect with you and to feel as though you are focused on that child alone. Try to spend some time alone with each sibling each day, even if it is just ten minutes. In addition, try to have a special day each month in which you spend an afternoon alone with one child at a time while your spouse spends an equal time with the other. Make sure the next time you switch children so each child gets time alone with each parent. Also, make sure you refer to each child by name, especially when talking to other people. Make sure you model the behavior to friends and family by not referring to them as “the twins.”
- My daughter is two months old and I find myself crying all the time. I am totally overwhelmed and I can’t seem to get myself to take a shower or wash my hair. I just don’t have the energy. I don’t have much of an appetite either. I can’t understand this. I have wanted to be a mother for years and I can’t understand why I feel this way.
- It sounds like you have Postpartum Depression (PPD) which is experienced by as many as 10-20% of new mothers. PPD usually occurs at anywhere from four weeks to 12 months after birth and can last anywhere from two weeks to a year. Common symptoms are: diminished interest in most activities, feelings of being overwhelmed, difficulty concentrating, sudden feelings of guilt, panic attacks, insomnia, weepiness, changes in appetite, feelings of worthlessness, fear of being a bad mother and sometimes even suicidal thoughts.
PPD is different than what has become known as the Baby Blues or Maternity Blues. This extremely common type or depression occurs in 26-85% of new mothers and generally begins anywhere from one day to two weeks after birth. Women experiencing this type of depression find themselves feeling weepy, moody, irritable, and unable to sleep. Baby Blues usually disappears within the first two weeks of the onset of symptoms.
It sounds like you need more support. Ask friends or family to help you by doing simple tasks like cleaning the house, making lunch, or even washing your hair. If you broke your leg or had cancer, you would probably ask for help. This should be no different. Do your best to get as much sleep as you can, even if this means asking a family member to do baby duty one night a week or hiring someone to watch the baby while you sleep at night.
If your symptoms last for more than a few weeks or you are having thoughts about hurting yourself or your baby, talk to your OB/GYN and get a referral for a therapist or a psychiatrist who is familiar with postpartum.